Golden Globes

Last night The Hollywood Foreign Press honoured their best in film and television. Key word being foreign as in not U.S. based, a true indication of the industry's best. Journalists who could give a rat's arse about the $$$ riding on the success of the next big picture and unlike members of 'the Academy' tolerate waaayyy less lobbying from studio heads and agents and publicists et al. Likely the only time you'll see big and small screen etoiles shine at the same venue. Pissers about the GGs:

1. Endless table-snaking especially if you are relegated to the back upper dining room one measly notch above the seat-fillers.
   
2. Annette Bening slurping champagne on 3 close ups.
   
3. The rude way guests chat and mingle even AFTER the commercial breaks when the next presenter is graciously trying to unload the next statuette.

Mental note to treat myself to a PVR for Valentine's Day if for nothing but recording awards ceremonies. I lost the play by play commentary in a Blogger glitch and am working from memory soooooo, here goes:

Jennifer Hudson: Serves her right for almost wiping out on stage. She broke MAJOR GG etiquette rules by not smooching the others at her table or the members of her cast before catapulting to the stage to claim her Dreamgirls booty. That'll show 'em for nicking her off the Vanity Fair cover.

Justin Timberlake: Pipsqueak should save his digs at Prince's diminuative stature. Funk Royalty versus Superbowl halftime show? N'Sych reject is not fit to lick the boots of Prince's purple genius. Nice save by Hugh Grant, though. Prince was stuck in L.A. 'traffic'.

Lorraine Nicholson: Miss Golden Globe? Daughter of Papa Jack and Rebecca Broussaud. Wonder who she lobbied for that job?

PoorJeremy Piven: It's gotta suck being nominated in the same category with Jeremy Irons for anything but then to have the same name as him! Psyche!

Gorgeous Jolie-Pitts: Angie was poised, elegant. Forever a stunner even with her Harley Momma tattoos.

Sarah Jessica Parker: I thought I was free of her wispy pathetic 8-year's old voice, horrid hair, and heinous 'couturier'. However if String Bean Green is to be resurrected from the Sex in the City fossils, it might as well be to plug The Devil Wears Prada.

Toni Collette: What the hell happened? Irrecognizable due to extensive 'work'. Remnants of Jennifer Grey after the botch nose job.

Meryl Streep: Have watched her win awards my entire life and she always always always has bad hair. Never looked so good in her life as in The Devil Wears Prada. Loved her critique of the American Film Distribution Mafia for ditching art films. Prompted Jamie Foxx to comment on the measly 800 theatres that showed Dreamgirls. Vogue nod to Anna Wintour.

Patrick Dempsey: McDreamy nearly ate his stethescope at being duped by hunky, witty, Dr. House for a second year in a row! Double bitch slap!

Nancy O'Dell: Gorgeous earth mother. Hope I look that good 8 months preggers.

Reese Witherspoon: Best dress in Cali yellow. Divorce looks fabulous on her.

America Ferrera - When ugly turns gorgeous. Charming, gracious. Mama Salma and Sister Vanessa rushed to smother her with love and kisses on her big win.

Tom Hanks and Warren Beatty - Ugh! The Beverly Hilton will have to renovate their stage to accomodate their gargantuan egos. Uncouth. Did I hear talk of 'balls' and 'conquests' all in front of his wife? Ick. Ick. Ick. Cecil B. DeMille was rolling over in his grave. Former Beatty love Madinna crooned for him in absentia.

Pedro and Penelope: Pobrecitos. Pedro hates to fly and as much as Volver is my love song to La Mancha, Helen Mirren stole the show THRICE for fab dress and double GGs for Elizabeth I and The Queen.